There is a moment in everyone’s life when all their fears about the future come to a head. We dread this day. It lurks in the back of our mind as the worst case scenario. Yesterday was just that moment for me. Yes, that’s right... yesterday I found out I was turning into my parents. Oh sweet god say it isn’t so! Really, there's nothing more frightening than when you catch yourself doing something that one or both of your parents did that drives you insane.
Yesterday I was sitting there trying to figure out how to fix something that I broke. The fact that I broke something is nothing new, but I caught myself saying my dad’s patented phrase, “Oh no I’ll fix it, all we need is a can of WD-40 and some duct tape”. When my ears heard me say this I knew this was the beginning of the end. Soon I will be asking the bag boy at the store if he can bag every cold item separately like my mother does (I have no idea why maybe they contaminate each other or something, there's no logic to be found here), or I could really fall and end up asking people around me when they’re going to tackle step 39 of a project that is only at step 6. But I won’t just ask them once. No, I’ll ask them once an hour... just to be sure. Oy.
I think some of this explains why I’m as insane as I am. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the psycho kind of insane that you'd have to worry about picking through your garbage in order to better stalk you with. I’m just that little bit of insane that makes people in my life shake their head. For example, I am physically incapable of replacing the roll of toilet paper. I'll always bring out a fresh roll, but somehow that sucker never seems to make it on the little roller thingy. When I get flustered the only word that leaves my lips sounds like a cross between a “what” and a “huh”. I play little games in my head as I watch people at the grocery store. I am always looking in their cart all nosey like in hopes that my mind can come up with the reason they are there and the story of their life. I don’t make it a normal life either. Oh no. I can’t tell you the number of ex CIA assassins and members of the mob that have gone underground I’ve met trolling the frozen food aisle.
I guess I was just realizing how much of my time lately I seem to spend in my head. I wouldn’t really say I was hiding from life, although that’s how I think this all started, but I would say that I am living there more than I did several years ago. I don’t blame my parents for my craziness; I just think their genetics helped it along a little. Life gave me my craziness. I wonder if that is why I like being online? Maybe the fact that I can live here but still reside for the most part in my head is what attracts me to this place. Or maybe I have found a new high-tech way to hide under my bed from the world at large.
“I want all my senses engaged. Let me absorb the world's variety and uniqueness.” -- Maya Angelou
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