I love the Olympics! Although I notice that I'm worse than any backseat driver. I'm the living room expert on all that is Olympic. It's just one of my many delusions. I don’t discriminate; I’m just as obnoxious while watching swimming as I am watching archery. Coincidently it’s also the only time of year you’d catch me watching 99.9% of these sports. That doesn’t stop me from being the be all and end all of synchronized swimming. Does it bother me that when I swim my limbs aren’t even synchronized with themselves? Not one bit.
So if you wander by my house you'll hear me yelling at my television or jumping up and down like a loon. You’ll hear me yell at officials and make comments about gymnasts who are doing things with their bodies that makes mine shudder in protest at even the thought. If I were to try to do the splits the scream I'd unleash could probably be heard in another hemisphere. The fact that I'm the most accident prone person to ever step into or out of an ER means that the only gymnastics apparatus that wouldn’t kill me would be the floor exercise, and that’s just if I stay perfectly still. But that doesn’t stop me from rolling my eyes at every step on every landing.
So now is the time where people get to see their Olympic dreams come true.... and couch potatoes like me can dream through them.
"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers." -- Daniel J. Boorstin
Friday, August 20, 2004
Wednesday, August 4, 2004
New Tricks.
I have a longer entry coming, but I was in the mood to post a little something sooner rather than later. I was walking with my pup that’s almost too big for me to keep calling her that. I was busy randomly people watching. In Arizona you can go to a park but you kind of miss out on the whole grassy green experiences. If you’re lucky there’s some half dead grass and a lovely rock garden. So parks don’t seem to be a major meeting place for people. Can you blame them? They’re all scurrying for cover away from the sun. Most of the people are walking about with their dog or small child, who in a few mins will be burning themselves on the metal of the solar heated slide.
Off in the distance I watched some woman who had two dogs. These two animals listened better than the average toddler, and she had them doing more tricks that I’d be capable of. I mean is their any reason that your dog should know how to do a barking back flip on command? Is that going to scare off a burglar? Why not just teach the animal to use the pepper spray while you’re at it? I looked down at my puppy (that was just being praised for knowing how to sit) while she watched these two other dogs. She lay down in the dirt and just huffed. Can dogs get an inferiority complex?
So this woman came bounding over to me. Oh goodie. She had the kind of body that one would buy out of a catalog and the perkiness that reminds you of a hummingbird. She then proceeded to tell me *all* of her tips to make my dog the perfect companion. She complemented my girl in that condescending way that makes you want to see her fall into a large cactus. Ok so no my dog isn’t going to be featured on some reality show for amazingly obedient animals... but I’m sure at some point her pets have plotted her death. I’d rather have a pet than a circus performer. She doesn’t need to know that my puppy is really made of 60% cat thus is more likely to be batting something around with her paws instead of fetching. Getting the toys is my job, she trained me well.
I think what drove this woman is the same impulse that drives women to compare their children, or men to compare their sexual conquests. Somehow some don’t feel as if they have merit unless they can validate themselves by one upping you. Well I could care less. Kyla may not know every trick in the book, but she knows how to climb up on my shoulders and lay down while I’m on the computer. What more could I possibly need? So today when you see some woman or man that has something better than you, (car, body, whatever) just don’t bother trying to compare. Life doesn’t work like that... and the grass is always greener on other people’s dogs.
“Some folks are wise and some otherwise.” -- Josh Billings
Off in the distance I watched some woman who had two dogs. These two animals listened better than the average toddler, and she had them doing more tricks that I’d be capable of. I mean is their any reason that your dog should know how to do a barking back flip on command? Is that going to scare off a burglar? Why not just teach the animal to use the pepper spray while you’re at it? I looked down at my puppy (that was just being praised for knowing how to sit) while she watched these two other dogs. She lay down in the dirt and just huffed. Can dogs get an inferiority complex?
So this woman came bounding over to me. Oh goodie. She had the kind of body that one would buy out of a catalog and the perkiness that reminds you of a hummingbird. She then proceeded to tell me *all* of her tips to make my dog the perfect companion. She complemented my girl in that condescending way that makes you want to see her fall into a large cactus. Ok so no my dog isn’t going to be featured on some reality show for amazingly obedient animals... but I’m sure at some point her pets have plotted her death. I’d rather have a pet than a circus performer. She doesn’t need to know that my puppy is really made of 60% cat thus is more likely to be batting something around with her paws instead of fetching. Getting the toys is my job, she trained me well.
I think what drove this woman is the same impulse that drives women to compare their children, or men to compare their sexual conquests. Somehow some don’t feel as if they have merit unless they can validate themselves by one upping you. Well I could care less. Kyla may not know every trick in the book, but she knows how to climb up on my shoulders and lay down while I’m on the computer. What more could I possibly need? So today when you see some woman or man that has something better than you, (car, body, whatever) just don’t bother trying to compare. Life doesn’t work like that... and the grass is always greener on other people’s dogs.
“Some folks are wise and some otherwise.” -- Josh Billings
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