Olympics

I love the Olympics! Although I notice that I'm worse than any backseat driver. I'm the living room expert on all that is Olympic. It's just one of my many delusions. I don’t discriminate; I’m just as obnoxious while watching swimming as I am watching archery. Coincidently it’s also the only time of year you’d catch me watching 99.9% of these sports. That doesn’t stop me from being the be all and end all of synchronized swimming. Does it bother me that when I swim my limbs aren’t even synchronized with themselves? Not one bit.

So if you wander by my house you'll hear me yelling at my television or jumping up and down like a loon. You’ll hear me yell at officials and make comments about gymnasts who are doing things with their bodies that makes mine shudder in protest at even the thought. If I were to try to do the splits the scream I'd unleash could probably be heard in another hemisphere. The fact that I'm the most accident prone person to ever step into or out of an ER means that the only gymnastics apparatus that wouldn’t kill me would be the floor exercise, and that’s just if I stay perfectly still. But that doesn’t stop me from rolling my eyes at every step on every landing.

So now is the time where people get to see their Olympic dreams come true.... and couch potatoes like me can dream through them.

"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers." -- Daniel J. Boorstin