So I’m drunk.....

So I’m drunk. It’s been a long time since I’ve bothered to get drunk. That’s possibly because I’m on vacation, or maybe because it’s been a while since I’ve been around friends. Either way I’m drunk. So a first time drunken post… this should be frightening to all that happen by this blog. (after reading this over I realize I’m too old to be drunk).

Isn’t it interesting that sometimes being in this state can bring about truths? Some of them I was reluctant to say, or other people heard some they were unwilling to face before, and some of the truths I myself had been unwilling to face. But it’s there… truth. So, I’ll blog about it in hopes that I remember that which I have failed to face. I cannot speak of their truth… that’s for them to find. But I can of mine… in hopes that I will remember it all and maybe make steps to improve.

I’m basically the friend that everyone looks to for comic relief. (something that has really been hammered home time and time again) For whatever reason I’m not the one that people drop their problems on until they have no other option. Sadly, I’ve been watching them for so long that I know them better than they think, so maybe I could be good with the issues they wanna talk about.

That’s my fault. I have depth… I just hide it. Once people find a way into the deep parts of you, they now have a way to hurt you. It’s so much easier to be the one that cheers others up even when your own world is lacking. I’m the quintessential party favor… You should have me over… I come with a lifetime guarantee to always be amusing and never cause a dyke drama.

The problem is it can be lonely to be in this role. So lonely in fact that you just make sure you stay there so that no one else can get under your skin. Real healthy I know…. oy.

People will say that it’s a gift to make people laugh… blah blah blah… But really it’s a way to hide. I was always great at hide and seek. It’s time I stopped and started worrying about me. It’s time I allowed myself not to hide to that extent. Maybe then a drunken night with friends wouldn’t leave me contemplating more things about my life that need to change… ugh change…

Really I had fun tonight… I just wish I talked to people like this more. Sometimes I think that it would be great if at least once a week I could have these deep life changing discussions when people would remember them.

I’m off to bed now… ready to regret the fact that I actually sent this sucker. Tonight was a good night. Not something I normally do… but sometimes it’s nice to step outside your normal box.