Ah competition...

Ah competition... It’s everywhere. Generally I love it... I find it motivating, and I used to thrive on it. So much of my life has been spent in one form of competition or another. But when it reaches a point that I feel competition in my personal life or the way I relate to others, I shut down.... I give up.

Competition for the sake of it, or for spite, isn’t something I handle very well. Those kinds of games send me hiding under the bed with a stash of peanuts and Tab cola. Maybe it’s because growing up life was one great big competition. With my brother and I being polar opposites, it was only natural. And in most cases I enjoy it, or at least am inspired by it. It’s interesting that at every opportunity my family seems to foster this game of theirs. Sometimes people or situations have the ability to pit people against each other... never a good thing if you have an underling fear of not measuring up.

Now I feel I’m too old for it. Or maybe I feel in some cases that I’m just out gunned. I’ve long since believed in not playing the game if I don’t think I can win. Forget the joy of the game... I’d like there to be a goal of some kind I’m shooting for. So now when I hear that there’s some competition within my personal life, I have to fight the urge to just back away. I’ll have to find a way to ignore that I’m not holding alla the cards, and the house isn’t dealing a fair game. I think I’m going to have to see these inevitable moments in a better light, and not assume that I’ll never stand a chance. How do you convince yourself that the games you hate are sometimes the ones worth playing?

Games are everywhere, some more fun than others. But I wonder why some just seem to love them so much. There are those that seem to feed on them and the drama that surrounds them. They can’t be upfront with you, but have no problem complaining when life becomes too complicated. Why wouldn’t you just come out with what you’re saying? Why wouldn’t you say what you’re willing to tell others? This confounds me. I can’t imagine why my hiding spot under the bed isn’t more crowded and people are fighting me for the last peanut.

“Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.” -- Jane Austen