I have an amazing ability to ignore or compartmentalize things. It's as if I can turn the lights off in one area and almost forget that it's there. It's not until late at night that I think about those dark places that I've ignored or otherwise refused to deal with. Most do this to some extent, but I think I've taken it to exceptional heights. For me this means that I often don't deal with something until it's too late.
We like to think we're a good person, but I think my above tendency can make me somewhat less than good. I mean if you're constantly closing doors and turning out lights, you'll eventually be rather lonely and living in one room. I've thought about venturing out to take a peak in places I've tried to avoid, but at this point it's been so long I have to wonder if any good can come of it.
Maybe my mom's struggle has made me want to have more people around and chase away this lonely feeling. Perhaps I'm homesick and wishing I could go back to Tucson to be with mom. Maybe I'm just getting older. Either way, it's not going to change tonight.
"Each of us is something of a schizophrenic personality, tragically divided against ourselves." -- Martin Luther King, Jr
No comments:
Post a Comment