Movin' on Up.

I guess it’s been a long time since I was here and filling people in on the inane details of my life. I’m not sure that I have a reason. The world didn’t crash down around me, I didn’t win the lotto and head to Aruba, I didn’t get fed up with hearing about the election and start shouting on a street corner with a sandwich board draped over my body.... Nope I was just here not feeling like writing a whole lot.

I live in one of those places that aren’t really small but they always have that feel. I didn’t feel the need to write about this place that I live in. It’s like living in a steam room... sometimes it’s pleasant and comforting, other you feel like you are suffocating. There are always too many people in the room and you can never quite find the exit. Right now I'm desperately looking for an exit.

Why? Along with the familiarity of this town I also know that there are shadows lurking around every corner. There’re always memories best left forgotten ready and willing to tackle me when I least expect it. I see the people that haunt my nightmares, I see the places that make me shiver, and those that thought nothing of me. Sometimes you want to escape so that you can’t prove some of the people right nor disappoint those who believed in you. Either way you want a fresh start.

Why am I still here? Simple. A lot of the reasons that make you want to leave are also what make you stay. It’s so easy to sit back with the easy answer and tell me to just pick up and move. If only. It’s not like I could afford it... and finding a job someplace else wouldn’t help me get there in the first place. It’s all part of that quicksand feeling. So really it’s all a waiting game.

Isn’t it funny how much of our lives we spend waiting? I am waiting for god knows how long to be able to move. People wait all week for the weekend. They end up waiting 71.43% of their lives. Yes I did the math if you can believe it – and I didn’t even factor the time spent waiting for vacations or sleeping. The bottom line is that waiting is a part of life. So I will have to wait for what I want like everyone else. I guess I just have to remember not to stop living while I wait.

“We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.” -- Helen Keller