The color of money

There are several phrases that when first spoken sound good or intelligent. They sound like something you can get behind until that is you actually sit down to think about them. One phrase that comes to mind is, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” That sounds rather simplistic and it could be true, unless of course a pact with enemy #2 would be like making a deal with the devil. But the phrase that I’m thinking about now and gets tossed around by people who think it sounds idealistic is, “Money can’t buy you happiness.” Sure at first glance this sounds realistic because the things that *do* have real meaning in life tend to be relationships and emotions. However, when you really look at it, this phrase is inherently flawed and is utter crap. In fact the first people that will say this phrase are those with money. The bottom line is that you could have all of the things that people strive for and be miserable if you don’t have enough money to survive. Money may not be able to *buy* you happiness, but without it you will surely buy yourself a heap load of misery. Now before you get your britches in a bunch and hit that comment button to point out where I have gone wrong listen to the rest of this post.

Not to long ago I had everything. I had friends, a decent relationship with family, health, and love. What I didn’t have was money. Now I’m not talking about enough money to buy you alla the geeky toys you drool over at the department store. I’m talking about the kind of broke where words like eviction, bill collectors, reposition, and overdue balance; become part of your everyday vocabulary. I’m talking about when you have to sell your plasma for something to eat for the next few days, lie to family to get a few dollars, have no place to call home, bounce from friend to friend looking for a place to sleep, and find all the places in town that might serve some kind of free food. I’ve done all of these things, I have been the person that is hated because they are a walking breathing drain and burden to all that they know. I wasn’t the kind of person you would have wanted to know. I didn’t really even want to know me. Even with the best of relationships you are miserable. It is a feeling like none other. You do things that make you cringe and you have little in your life to take pride in; it changes you. You are drowning while walking, and the weight of your worry is like an elephant sitting on your back.

Eventually I had to almost sell my soul for a loan to find an apartment in the worst area of town. It doesn’t end there. No, now my girlfriend at the time and I had to decide what bills to pay and what to put off. What bills can go one more month? You make sacrifices like shutting off the gas so you can have electric. Who really needs heat or hot water in winter? Eventually those things that are important like friends and relationships become so strained that they snap and desegregate into the pit you have dug for yourself.

At this time I knew a man that was in his 70s. He worked 50 hours a week at Burger King and had wild silver hair and the most amazing sky blue eyes you’d ever see. He was homeless. He couldn’t get a bank account without an address, so every time he cashed his check he would either be hit up or jumped for his money by others that were just as desperate. I don’t think this man would agree that money couldn’t buy him at least some relief from his current troubles.

I say all this because today someone I was walking with saw me give a homeless man some money. They started in on how this man was lazy or that he would just go and buy beer with it. Well my response was that it is none of my business what this man chooses to spend this money on. He is an adult. What *is* my business is to give that man the opportunity to buy something that for a moment will bring him joy. I didn’t care if he bought food or tossed the money out a window. That’s not the point. What right would I have to judge him or dictate what he does with what he is given? I am not in his shoes.

The ironic thing is something I have said before many times. The people that really can’t afford to give often are the ones that give the most simply because they understand. I’ve seen homeless people pool their money or give it to another. What I don’t see often are people driving around in cars designed to show off their money with their hand stretched out the window to the woman selling papers. Am I better than these people, god no far from it. The thing is that I have been there and I know what it is like to live in a daily struggle. I was never even as far as them so I don’t even know what they have to live like. The people who gave me hope and inspired me were those that had so little yet they were giving and were courageous for just getting up in the morning.

So today I sit here again deciding what bills I will pay and what can be put off. I don’t have the same pressure or weight on me but its memory is never far from my thoughts. I have to force myself to have hope and to continue to dig myself out. After all, my actions were a large part of me being there in the first place. Like I said yesterday, I am learning to again wish upon a star. I’m living in yet a different place and am working to move on. I still have a road to travel, but it’s nothing like where I was. But I also choose never to forget that experience even though I hated it, and didn’t care for who I was at the time. I’m totally different today than I was then, and I don’t think it would be fair to those I hurt at that time to forget.

My point today is that the next time you are driving around town and see someone that is selling papers at an intersection, think of what you would do if your life suddenly changed. Most of us are a pay check away from being there. So why not part with the few dollars that will make little difference to you but every difference to them. Most importantly look them in the eye. They are there; they are a person that deserves that respect. Whatever you do don’t pretend as if you don’t see them or judge them for their life’s choices. You haven’t earned that right, none of us have. I would just love for people that have money to understand how powerful it is and how very lucky they are. Take a step back and be thankful for all that’s around you. You might feel a loss at a relationship that brings you pain or stressed over something or other, but at least you have a home to shelter yourself in and Ben and Jerry’s in the freezer.

“One must be poor to know the luxury of giving.” -- George Eliot