Have you ever been told the one thing you were waiting to hear? It could have been that you were right, or that it wasn’t your fault. It could be that the person just said they were sorry for the pain they caused you. Maybe they told you that it wasn’t you... that you weren’t lacking in some manner. I had wanted to hear something for so long it left a throbbing ache. I believe that focusing on what wasn’t said allowed me to hide from the truth.
I finally heard what I’d been waiting to hear. You would think I’d have been happy, or that it allowed me a sense of healing. It didn’t. The fact of the matter is that it doesn’t change a thing. In fact it just brought the truth to stare me in the face. I suppose one day I will be grateful for having heard the words I was searching for. In a way I am now… I just wish that things were different. I just wish that I could turn back time.
So I wonder why we as people can’t just let go. Why do we need to hear something that really won’t change anything? Your past is part of what makes you who you are. So if we cannot accept it, than are we not accepting ourselves? Why did I have to hear something that I should have known from the start? The fact that I was waiting to hear it means that I knew it was the truth. Why would I feel the need to have someone validate that for me? I’m not sure that I know the answers to any of these questions. I have to believe that simply asking them is a step in the right direction.
“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.” -- Carol Burnett
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